The notion that Nepalis have the lowest IQ in the world resurfaces periodically, much like stubborn weed. Observing Nepalis smoking in public places and spitting indiscriminately, navigating their social behaviours, and perusing their social network comments, and judging their level of awareness, one might be tempted to nod in agreement. The esteemed poet Bhupi Sherchan long ago dubbed them as “buddhujivi” (foolish intellectuals). His hypothesis was that their bravery stemmed from an endearing lack of intelligence – or intellect, for that matter. However, wherever I go across the country, I see nothing but intellectuals. From the grand hall of parliament to the bustling streets, from five-star hotels to quaint motels, from gourmet restaurants to local shops and bars, intellectuals are everywhere! Whether you board a bus or catch a flight, you will undoubtedly encounter an intellectual. From rickshaw pullers to plane pilots, everyone is highly knowledgeable, and in every field too. They can predict who will win how many seats in elections and who will form the government, to making claims about the direction of the country's economy. Indeed, in a land where everyone is a self-proclaimed expert in everything from rocket science to home science, one wonders - who is the genuine intellectual?
An intellectual is someone who makes a living by selling their intellect. Just as labourers sustain themselves by selling their labour, an intellectual survives by hawking their intellect. You might wonder if an intellectual sells their intellect, what do they have left? An intellectual possesses a mine or a well of intellect. They continually draw ideas from this well with a bucket and sell them. If the ideas don't sell, they drown in their own thoughts. However, even the intellectuals themselves may not know what kind of ideas they have sold from which bucket!
In this regard, even those lacking a modicum of intellect often strut around society, proudly donning the title of ‘intellectuals’. If a fool catches the eye of an equally clueless leader, they can be counted among the scholars and intellectuals, pretending to live off their intellect. It is akin to a snake, once comfortably coiled around Shiva's neck, daring to raise its hood against Garuda! That is why it is said, ‘the place is paramount, not strength’. Take our parliamentarians, for example. They entered the hallowed halls to sell their intellect, yet are frequently found either napping on the parliamentary benches when their intellect is called upon, or, having dutifully marked their attendance, are outside peddling something entirely different to someone entirely unsuspecting! What more is there to say about others?
Indeed, an intellectual is an intellectual. This is their identity. Satirist Bhairav Aryal once called intellectuals potatoes because they can fit into any situation or environment. However, though today’s intellectuals might have some potato-like characteristics, in certain aspects they are like raw taro roots. In reality, intellectuals don’t have extra horns or tufts of hair. They are just like anyone else, with two hands and feet, a large belly, a small chest, but notably sharp ears. They are eager to criticise even before listening. They have eyes that protrude out of thick glasses, fingers and nails capable of scratching and picking, a long nose with a talent for sniffing out opportunities, and other parts situated in their respective places.
Their conversations always revolve around political races, but the context is always about the country and culture. Internally they are individualistic, externally nationalist.
But despite all these common human physiological traits and flaws, they remain an intellectual. They are what they are. Having intellect is not a mandatory condition for being an intellectual. Because they can live by arranging, concocting, or even cooking up intellect. Not only live, but they can also accumulate wealth for seven generations. Therefore, they are intellectuals.
Most intellectuals like to distribute visiting cards with titles like Dr, PhD, Prof, etc, before their names to show that they are intellectuals. Even if they have written a thesis on diamonds to earn their PhD, they do not fail to present themselves as knowledgeable about everything from bananas to bugs. In any conversation, they don't miss the chance to mention that they have doctoral degrees and are like a doctor. If someone forgets to address them as ‘Dr saap’ while writing or speaking, you will then see them raging in their own sense of self-importance.
I don't know about other countries, but in Nepal, intellectuals are collective beings. They cannot stay alone and quickly form groups. They find shelter under the flag of some political party. They go wherever they can sell their intellect. The interesting thing is that whatever an intellectual thinks, the leader also thinks the same, or whatever the leader thinks, the intellectual is found thinking and saying the same. Because, after all, an intellectual is also a living being. They need to survive too. How can they survive by disagreeing with politicians and leaders?
Intellectuals are generally found in cities, especially in the capital. They find the environment there very appealing. While living in these cities, one of the intellectual's eyes is fixed on books or newspapers, and the other on some building where being an intellectual might benefit them. For example, committees, commissions, councils, universities, government institutions like Sajha, embassies, etc. Thus, their feet are in two boats of knowledge acquisition. Suddenly, they might get the opportunity to board the boat of power. Then, they become confused about which boat to board and which to leave. As a result, whatever they start saying gives off the stench of self-interest rather than the fragrance of knowledge. When it comes to talking about benefits, intellectuals wrap their words around some principle and decorate them with emotional expressions. An intellectual indeed has a remarkable personality. Their chest is in a self-respecting pose, while their language is servile and deferential. Their face resembles that of a thinker or philosopher. Their attire matches the environment. They are clever and cautious, with their attention on both the bottle and the salty snacks. Their conversations always revolve around political races, but the context is always about the country and culture. Internally they are individualistic, externally nationalist. They finish one project at an institution and prepare to move on to the next. Always adding, always ingratiating, always establishing their presence. Moving from royal avenues to the alleys of literature, and back to the royal avenues again. Silver here, gold there. Weevils in the rice.
The eyes of an intellectual are like those of a hawk. They know where positions are vacant and where the pastures are greener; everything is clear to them. Words, symbols, expressions, language, and logic all run behind them. They have information on every position of advantage. This republicanism came for them, right? Because they are intellectuals. Even around your corners, they are fully prepared—intellectuals, sometimes preparing to speak at a discussion or seminar, sometimes in the organiser's ride. Wherever they hear a ‘wow’, they are the first ones there. Our intellectuals without the intellect! Wow, intellectuals!!
