By Madan Lamsal

Without certain dedicated abbreviations, terms and jargons, no modern sector appears trendy and modern. The financial services definitely cannot fall behind in this innovative venture. What they were originated for and what exactly they have started to mean now is indeed a linguistic feast to cheer for. Some examples from a non-exhaustive glossary:

Accrued Interest: An accumulated interest due in the account of the most-favoured borrower of the bank, which may never be paid.

ACH: Association of Clever Herds, representing the corporate world created to buy time from their wives.

AML: A new disease called Acute Myeloid Leukemia diagnosed among some businessmen caused by the flu emanating from Anti Money Laundering (AML) Act.

Appraisal: An annual drama of awarding a crony of the management for promotion or favouring a mediocre firm at the cost of the best performer without connections.

APR: A commonly used tool to make customers April Fools, previously known as Annual Percentage Rate.

ATM: Any Time Malfunction machine to dispense money even from your own account.

Availability Date: A choreographed schedule of senior bank officials to prove that they actually work sometime, if available for the cause of common business interests.

Availability Policy: Bank's policy to indirectly announce its liquidity position by fixing the date when funds deposited into an account will be actually available for withdrawal.

Bank Custodian: The Central bank, in case of Nepal NRB, is a specialized police custody for the bankers who remain recalcitrant to follow NRB directives issued not necessarily to maintain the safety of depositors’ assets but to prove that the central bank actually has some teeth and may bite anyone it doesn't like.

Bank: A glassed cage where you are made to feel like a pig when entered and your assets are valuated only a quarter of what they are actually worth for, and you cannot have any say at any point in time whether you deposit or borrow.

Bankrupt: New certificate of dignity to most of the clients of most of the banks. And you can justify it by talking all day about recession.

Bear Market: A cool alcoholic fizzy drink for the losers in the capital market, synonymous with the beer market.

Billionaire: A rare breed of individuals in Nepal who have never made their books of accounts public and never proved to have done illegal things.

Bull Market: A market place where oxen are sold and bought by the farmers right before the farming season.

Capitalism: A policy of almost every political party of Nepal that doesn't believe in anything less than accumulating capital by hook or by crook.

Collateral: A single basis of evaluating the borrower's credit-worthiness in the Nepali banking system, without which Nepali banks cannot even breathe. Things like credit records or project viabilities of the borrowers are bull sheet.

Co-Signer: An individual who sings in the tune of the boss in the bank, also known as a co-maker.

Deferred Payment: An act of postponing the payment for a future date which never comes; which has now become a widespread practice in the Nepali banking industry.

Depression: A psychological phenomena reflecting the state of mind of the citizens, caused by the long run gloomy outlook of the economy.

EBIT: Bank's earnings before irregularities and tampering.

Electronic Banking:   An internet or mobile-based service of the banks that allows even a non account holder to obtain account information and manage certain banking transactions through a personal computer, directly logging into the financial institution's portal.

KYC: Kill Your Customer  

Mutual Fund: A mutual practice of distributing hefty loans among the CEOs of the banks in a turnkey basis so that they can invest in real estate business.

Outstanding Check: An errand boy standing outside the door of an office carrying a bank's check.

SLR: Self-loading rifle belonging only to the central bank, used to rob the banks in the veil of statutory liquidity ratio.

Stagflation: When it is the time for the Royal Stag, the leisure borne out of inflation-induced inaction.

Students’ Loan: Loans given to students to buy sporty bikes, so as to enable them to undertake a number of dating projects simultaneously.