Tender No: GONE2076/LOOT-NPL/DAS-NUMBERI/420
 

--BY MADAN LAMSAL

Preamble: Amid the long spell of widespread despondency in the public and the government ministers’ abject failure to deliver, the KP Oli government has begun something very innovative and exciting. It has started assigning responsibilities to public position holders by signing performance contracts with them. As a result, the PM has started signing performance contracts with his ministers, the ministers with the secretaries, the secretaries with the director generals of Departments under them or GMs of public corporations and so on and so forth. So much so that the home ministry has started signing contracts with the CDOs to run the districts properly and efficiently. Taking their cue from the central government, the provincial and local governments are soon going to do the same.

PM Oli’s idea to run the government through contracts with ministers is unique. However, as this is not going to be enough to bring prosperity to the country, voices are being raised to run the entire country including the post of Prime Minister and the government via contracts. That is why this call for tenders has been made to select one or more countries or INGOs to contract them the country named Nepal for 25 years!

Country Background
Let it be known that Nepal is one of the richest countries in terms of natural resources; let it be also known that economically it is one of the poorest countries in the world. Though the people here pay taxes to the government at every step, let it be known that all they get in return is aggravation and hardships. Also, it is getting increasingly difficult to meet the growing expenses of the bureaucracy, politicians and government ministers with the government revenue collected. It also must be disclosed that the country’s development expenditure is almost nil, it’s annual imports stand at Rs 14,00 billion while the exports at a meager Rs 100 billion and that youths are lining up in their hundreds at the airport to go abroad every day. There is also another line consisting of hundreds of politicians and government employees waiting to go abroad!

The tenderers must also be forewarned that there is a growing foreign influence on the Nepali religions, cultures and values. Total anarchy in language, economy in the doldrums and widespread gloom and despondency everywhere.

Everything from public enterprises to universities infected by the virus called political cadres. Almost all organs of the state are made corrupt, irresponsible and unaccountable.

Scope of Work of the Bidder
The contractor must be able to run the Government of Nepal in a full-fledged manner, not in a grazing manner like now. Specifically, the contractor will have the following responsibilities:

•    It must be able to teach those who came from the jungles how to behave with others, and instill in them some sense of civilization and force them to return the money they had looted from the Nepali people.
•    It must dump at the dumping site, along with the waste,all those who are supposed to manage the city’s waste but who aren’t doing so.
•    It must identify the looters hidden under various political, communal and other garbs and completely and effectively ban them and their activities. Also, identify the so-called political, social and economic analysts who spread hate and propaganda in society.
•    It must be able to prepare a foreign policy which is based on the principle of non-alignment and the greater long-term interest of the country, not a foreign policy directed by the southern or northern neighbour.
•    It must immediately dismiss from the police and administration all those whose belly perimeter exceeds 32 inches.
•    Instead of selling big dreams of ships and trains to the people, it will be enough for the contractor if it delivers basic things like electricity, drinking water, irrigation, roads without potholes and smooth access to markets for the local products.  

Bidder's Qualifications
•    Prior experience in running a country in a deep mess like Nepal.
•    Countries like Britain, the Netherlands, Belgium, France or Spain which have administered colonies in the past will get special priority.
•    Applications from India or China will be disqualified automatically because they are virtually running the show in Nepal even now.
•    The Contractor should be able to come up with a proper development model to displace the current 11th hour work model.
•    It should be committed to reducing the tax burden on the people and must not increase it.

Submission of Tender
•    Send four printed copies of the application form through courier.
•    As per the Public Procurement

Regulations, 10 percent of the tender amount will be deposited in the social welfare fund.

Closing Date
For Tenders is July 15, 2019

Important Note: The tender will be automatically null and void if the situation changes because anything beyond human anticipation happens in the meanwhile.

Tenders will be Submitted to:
Contract Officer
Service and General Admin Secretariat
Dogs Street, Shyal Durbar
Kathmandu, Nepal.